Subject: what to do when your having a bad day

Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you DON'T know.

Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call
I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered saying,
"Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're an a^&*%$e!" and hung up.

Next to his phone number I wrote the word "a^&*%$e," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're an a^&*%$e!"

It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the Phone Company introduced caller ID. This was a real setback for me; I would have to stop calling the a^&*%$e. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number and when I heard his voice,
"Hello?"
I made up a name. "Hi. I'm with the Telephone Company and I'm just calling to see if you'd be interested in our caller ID program?"
"No!" he shouted and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
a^&*%$e!"

Keep reading this, it gets better!

Some time later I was looking for a parking spot at the shopping
center. An old lady really took her time pulling out of a parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. "Great", I thought, "she's finally leaving." All of a sudden this black BMW comes flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I hit the horn and started
yelling, "You can't do that. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his BMW completely ignoring me. He walked toward the shopping center as if I didn't even exist. I thought to myself, "This guy's another a^&*%$e; there sure are a lot of a^&*%$e in this world." Then, I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the phone number. Then, I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I'm sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off
the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're an a^&*%$e!" (It's really easy since I have his number on speed dial now.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black BMW there on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings, someone answered the phone and said,
"Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the
car's parked right out front." I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Sure..."
"Don, you're an a^&*%$e!" And I slammed the phone down.
Then, I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. I must say, for a while things seemed to be going much better for me. Now, when I had a problem I had two a^&*%$e to call.
Then, after several months of calling the a^&*%$e and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with this solution:
First, I had my phone speed dial a^&*%$e#1.
A man answered nicely, "Hello?"
I yelled, "You're an a^&*%$e!" but I didn't hang up.
The a^&*%$e said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "Make me."
He said, "What's your name, pal?"
So I told him, "Don Hansen."
He said, "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black BMW's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your
prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, a^&*%$e!" and I hung up.
Then I called a^&*%$e#2.
Don Hansen answered, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, a^&*%$e."
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your a%^."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, a^&*%$e." And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was on my way to 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as I got there. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down on West 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing. Glorious satisfaction! Watching two a^&*%$e kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew
was one of the greatest experiences of my life!

Now you know what to do if you have a really bad day